Pizza-a-Patrick (Spongebob Squarepants Fanfiction)
Pizza-a-Patrick (Spongebob Squarepants Fanfiction) Synopsis - Patrick Star is hired by an Italian Chef to make the best employee yet and while Patrick surprisingly is an amazing cook, he is also a professional at being an idiot. Characters Spongebob Squarepants Patrick Star Chef Bonavento Squidward Tentacles Krustomers Eugene H. Krabs Pizza-a-Pie Customers Italian Mafia The Story The story starts at The Krusty Krab. Spongebob is showing Patrick something in the Kitchen. SPONGEBOB: Okay Pat, all you have to do is gently lift the patty off the grill to check for coloring. If it's still pink, it's undercooked, if it is brown, it is ready. Got it? Pat? PATRICK: Color who? I don’t have Crayolas. Squidward rings the order bell. SQUIDWARD: Spongebob, four Krabby Patties. SPONGEBOB: Four Krabby Patties coming up! PATRICK: Flaker! SPONGEBOB: Huh? PATRICK: There you go again! Working that stupid grill instead of hanging out with your best buddy since Nursery School! SPONGEBOB: Patrick, I have to work, it's 4 PM, I got two hours to go and then we can go to your house and watch scary movies and play board games! PATRICK: Whatever, I’m leaving! SQUIDWARD: So long, never come back. Patrick is about to walk outside the door but notices a big hefty man dressed as a cook trying and failing to spin pizza crust. CHEF: Che due palle! I’ll never be able to spin pizza crust as good as my brother! Puttana! PATRICK: You don’t spin pizza crust like that. Patrick grabs the crust and is able to spin it on his cone shaped head as well as spin it on both pointer fingers and then grab out his trusty salt and pepper shakers to sprinkle it on. Then he grabs some of the Patrick Star sauce and finally mozzarella cheese before making a cold but still perfectly delicious looking pizza right before the mesmerized chef's eyes. CHEF: Eccezionale! Best Pizza I have laid my eyes on! KRUSTOMER: That looks delicious! KRUSTOMER 2: A real money maker for sure. Mr.Krabs bursts out of his office in excitement. MR.KRABS: Money?!! Mr.Krabs notices Patrick holding the pizza and then sees dollar bills in Pat's eyes. MR.KRABS: MONEY!!! Krabs tries to steal the pizza to gain profits but the chef stops him. CHEF: Stop it there! My pizza! MR.KRABS: Me restaurant! Made by me best customer! CHEF: Listen Red, this crust came right from Genoa, was made the Italian way and will be served the Italian way! MR.KRABS: Really, you gonna stop me, filthy Italian? CHEF: Oh hohh, ho, inaccettabile! The Chef does one karate kick right up Mr.Krabs’ windpipe. MR.KRABS(reeling in pain): Mom.. Flowers.. Daisies.. Pennies.. Mr.Krabs faints. CHEF: Puttana! The chef spits in the unconscious cheapskates face and then turns to Patrick. CHEF: Stupid American….. Anyways, Say sonny, you have a real skill at the Crosta! PATRICK: Crosta? Is that a new video game? CHEF: Hahahaha! You the humor type! Bonavento like that! Me nome is Bonavento by the way! Nice to meet you! PATRICK: And I’m Fatrick! Or is it Patrick? BONAVENTO: I’ll call you Neil, that's easier. PATRICK: Ok! BONAVENTO: Neilio, would you like to be me dipendente for my ristorante called Pizza-a-Pie? PATRICK: I don’t know what dipendente means but I like pie! So okay! BONAVENTO: Bonavento approves! Now march schiavo! PATRICK(yelling): BYE SPONGEBOB! I AM A PIZZA-A-PIE! BONAVENTO: Shut it up fat stuff, march! Patrick and Chef Bonavento leave to go to Pizza-a-Pie. Spongebob finishes cooking a Krabby Patty and hands it to a customer. SPONGEBOB: Huh? The scene cuts to the two arriving at Pizza-a-Pie. Patrick takes notice at some Italian fish eating exquisite pizzas, pies, pasta and rigatoni. PATRICK: These are some weirdly colored fish. Patrick and Bonavento enter the Kitchen. BONAVENTO: Fatso. PATRICK: No, I’m Patrick! Fatso is my cousin! BONAVENTO: I’m still calling you Neil. Now listen Neil or pinkman, you are now employed under a business, know the business? PATRICK: Know the what huh now? BONAVENTO: Prepare II Crusta under 350 degree heat, then apply the Italiano Sauce, the Mozzarella cheese and for effect, sprinkle some salt and pepper. PATRICK: I don’t know if my 97% stupidity will allow this. BONAVENTO: What's the matter, got a problem with this job? I happen to be a contact of the Mafia. Bonavento shows Patrick some Mafia Guys in the background wielding lasers and fishing line. PATRICK: No! Patrick can cook! BONAVENTO: Excellente. Now, what you did with the previous batch of Crusta was beautiful, but unlike that Crapola with the low wage burgers we just spent time at against our will, this is a real restaurant! Five star, first class, Mafia Approved, mealios! So, slide the crust into the fuoco, take it out after 15 minutes and then do your magic! Don’t mess up or you will meet a fate to gasoline and the matches! Compesh? PATRICK: Hehe! You said compress! BONAVENTO: Work! Patrick does it. BONAVENTO: Testa di cazzo. Bonavento leaves and Patrick tries to figure out how to do work. PATRICK: Uhhhhh, what do I do again? Patrick picks up a crate of spaghetti, a cynder block and some ketchup packets. PATRICK: The Mafia dude said uhhhhh, ummmmm, oh! To put the cynder block into the fire! Wait? How can there be fire underwater? Ah, nevermind. Patrick throws the cynder block into the fire causing it to sink drastically. PATRICK: Next! My armpit hair! Patrick lifts his armpits/a mini jungle and rips out some of his armpit hair. PATRICK: OWWWWWHOWWW! He tears up but holds it back and chucks it into the fire. PATRICK: And finally! A shoe! Patrick navigates himself to an area where he noticed a shoe, it is Bonavento's prized one. PATRICK: Perfect! Just as Patrick is about to stupidly burn the prized shoe, Bonavento walks in to see how his not-prodigy is doing. BONAVENTO: Mamma Mia!! He quickly regains the shoe and then reprimands Patrick. BONAVENTO: Neil! I thought you could cook elegant Italiano! PATRICK: I can? The fire begins to grow once the cynder block crumbles into ashes. BONAVENTO: Merda! Bonavento grabs a fire extinguisher and manages to put out the fire before worser things could take effect. BONAVENTO: Phew! You Figlio di puttana! You almost burned down Pizza-a-Pie and almost made charred ashes of my shoe! PATRICK: Oops BONAVENTO: Perhaps the Kitchiano isn’t for a stronzo like yourself. Ummm, I know! You will be our slogan advertiser. PATRICK: The huh? Bonavento gives Patrick some uncooked pizza crust. BONAVENTO: Do what you did before and spin II Crusta! Make the Italianos feel like them million bucks. PATRICK: Spin? I can do that! Patrick runs out. Bonavento looks satisfied but hears screaming and rushes out to see Patrick spinning all the customers around in their seats. PATRICK: Spin! Spin! Spin! ITALIANO: Questo idiota sarà la morte di tutti noi! ITALIANO 2: Andiamo! The Italians begin dispersing out of the restaurant. BONAVENTO: My customers! ITALIANO 3: Il tuo servizio succhia! The Italian leaves. Bonavento is now fuming. BONAVENTO: Aaaaaaaaahhhh!!! You Puttana!!! PATRICK: Puttana huh? BONAVENTO: You either get this job right or you can vaffanculo! You are the janitor! PATRICK: Yippee! BONAVENTO: Culo. Patrick gets to the supply closet and grabs a broom stick, a bucket of water underwater and some soap. PATRICK: Cleaning! Cleaning! Cleaning!! Patrick however then takes a closer look at the broom stick named “Pulitore a terra.” PATRICK: Pulitore a terra? Wait, terra, TERRA, TERRA, TERROR!! TERROR!!! WICKED WITCH OF THE WEST!!! Bonavento storms out of his office again. BONAVENTO: Stop this screeching at once! Or I will do what I did to those daisies that tripped me the other day! Read from an American Autobiography! PATRICK: The Wicked Witch of the West! This is her broom! I must destroy it! BONAVENTO: Cazza! Patrick snaps the broom in half with his leg. Then he kicks over the bucket of water and spills the soap everywhere. PATRICK: Take that evil Witch lady! Water melts you! BONAVENTO: That tears it! Bonavento grabs Patrick by the shorts. PATRICK: You want my trunks? BONAVENTO: I don’t want your trunks!! I will give you two of these into two of yours!! Your idiocy has done enough! You ain’t ready for Italian Cooking! I would set you on fire, have the Mafia beat you and then feed you to the scallops but you will probably mess that up too!! Bonavento pushes Patrick out the door. PATRICK: So,.. I’m fired? BONAVENTO: Vaffanculo! Bonavento slams and locks the door shut. Patrick pouts his head and begins walking home. Spongebob, however passes by on his unicycle but stops when seeing Pat. SPONGEBOB: There you are Pat! It's 6! That means scary movies, popcorn, board games and for texture, spamming Squidward's Shellbook comments! Are you okay? PATRICK: I just got fired! The mafia guy said I was stupid. I told him my rare bursts of intelligence only last three minutes! Did I? SPONGEBOB: That stinks. Well, hey look on the bright side, we still have each other. PATRICK: Pfft yeah, only on Sundays and just two hours on Wednesday's and Friday's! SPONGEBOB: This has got out of hand. PATRICK: Huh? SPONGEBOB: Although I adore the Krusty Krab with all my heart and soul, perhaps I need to cut back some of the schedule so I can hang out with my best buddy! The most important of all! PATRICK(tears up): Thank you Spongebob! Spongebob gets off his unicycle and walks it along with Patrick back home. PATRICK: These pizza toppings I stole from the boss are not that bad! Category:SquidwardTentacles35